


Save me from the monster in my head

by darkmoore



Category: Chicago PD (TV), NCIS, The Sentinel (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Sentinels & Guides, Alternate Universe - Sentinels and Guides Are Known, M/M, Post-Episode: s08e05 Dead Air, Sentinel/Guide, Sentinel/Guide Bonding, Spirit Animals, attempted forced bonding, spirit plane
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-18
Updated: 2021-03-18
Packaged: 2021-03-27 13:54:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,961
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30123789
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/darkmoore/pseuds/darkmoore
Summary: High-level Sentinel Jay Halstead is running out of time. He needs to find his Guide, fast, before the Center can force him into a bond he doesn't want, or he ends up going insane from lack of a Guide. Meanwhile Guide Tony DiNozzo's search for his Sentinel is equally fruitless. But maybe not all is lost yet. Tony is doubling down on his search - with a little help from a friend.
Relationships: Anthony DiNozzo/Jay Halstead
Comments: 10
Kudos: 180





	Save me from the monster in my head

**Author's Note:**

> I've done away with the canon timelines completely - who needs them anyway?  
> A huge thank you goes to [Brumeier](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Brumeier/pseuds/Brumeier). She not only did the beta on this, she is also the best cheerleader, hand-holder, sounding board, enabler and overall most amazing friend I could ever wish for. You're awesome, Bru!
> 
> Title from the song of the same name by Welshly Arms.
> 
> All remaining mistakes are my own.

Jay rubbed his bruised knuckles absently, wishing he didn’t feel quite as helpless and angry anymore. But punching the wall had done nothing to mitigate the feelings wreaking havoc inside of him. He was furious, and the Sentinel part of him was way too close to a murderous rage for Jay’s liking. 

“Jay, a word,” Hank Voight said quietly, and walked into his office, holding the door open. 

With a heavy sigh Jay followed him. He knew he had screwed up, knew he shouldn’t have let the case get to him that much, but the grip he had on his shields, his _gifts_ , had been slipping for a while now. If things didn’t change, pretty soon he’d have to do the one thing he had sworn to himself he would never do: turn himself in to the S/G center. 

As soon as the door closed behind him, Voight spoke. “Talk to me, Jay. What’s going on? How can I help?”

Jay rubbed his face and focused on shoring up his shields for a second. “I’m sorry, Sarge. It’s just that-” Jay lowered his voice to a whisper. “I’m losing it, Hank. I could smell her on that scumbag. I knew, I _knew_ , he touched her. But I can’t-” Jay’s voice broke and his throat burned. 

Voight went over to his desk and unlocked a drawer, then wordlessly handed Jay two tiny white pills. Jay swallowed them dry without hesitation. 

“We knew this might happen eventually,” Voight said quietly. “We knew keeping the fact that you’re not actually offline or even dormant off the books was gonna get hard at one point. We’re prepared. Don’t you go do something stupid now. I can have you out of the city and at a protected facility within the next four hours. Just say the word.” Voight’s voice was even, calm, and full of all the reassurance Jay so desperately needed. 

“I don’t know what to do,” Jay confessed, and pushed his fingers through his hair, ignoring the pain in his hand as best as he could. He didn’t dare dial down on touch while he was still this unstable, worried he’d lose feeling completely if he did. 

“I know I should get out, find some place to lay low, stay off the radar, get my fucking senses under control, but … what if I can’t? What if I can’t actually function anymore without a real Guide? Without a bond? What then?”

“Then we’ll find you a Guide. But someone _you_ want. Someone you can trust and be comfortable with,” Voight said decisively. As if it was just a matter of picking the one Jay liked best out of many options. Which of course was so far from the truth it wasn’t even funny anymore. 

“Yeah, right,” Jay said, and instantly hated how hopeless and resigned he sounded even to his own ears. “Gonna be a piece of cake.”

“Jay-”

“Will came online as a Guide last night, mere minutes after his Sentinel came online. He and Rhodes had a quick and dirty bonding, and are expected to take over as the new Chicago Alphas within the next two weeks. He called me an hour ago.” Jay interrupted whatever speech Hank had been about to give. 

He knew the fact that his younger brother had come online as an Alpha would have the S/G center looking into Jay’s own file again. They’d probably call him in for re-testing in the near future. The whole charade Jay had been playing for the last couple of years would be over, and he had a pretty good idea what the Center had in store for him. 

“God dammit, you can’t catch a break, can you?” 

“They’ll order a re-evaluation for me; I just know it. I mean, I can stall a bit, but it’s gonna look suspicious eventually. And we both know that in my current state, I won’t be able to hide my status from them. But if I disappear now, it’s not gonna look great either.”

“Do you know if your brother and Rhodes are strong enough to outrank the current Center director and his Guide? Maybe Will can hold them off for a bit.” 

Jay sighed. “I doubt they’re strong enough but even if they were, the moment Will finds out that I’m online he’s gonna insist I find my Guide. And if I refuse to bond with any of the high-level Guides they can come up with and anything at all goes wrong, Will and Connor will get in trouble for Sentinel endangerment. So, I’d rather avoid that, if you don’t mind.”

Hank frowned at Jay, folding his arms over his chest. “Why are you so certain your Guide isn’t among the ones they’d present to you for consideration? My sources told me they had a new high-level Guide come online just last week. Maybe that’s your Guide. Worth a shot?”

“Hank, that Guide is a nineteen-year-old college student. She’s sweet and innocent and definitely not my Guide. I checked. I went by her house the day after I heard. She’s not nearly strong enough to maintain a bond with me long term. I mean yes, we could probably make it work somehow, but I’d rather spare her being burned out by this within a year or two, after they bullied her into accepting me as her Sentinel. You know it’s not right.”

“They might do a country-wide search for you. See if your Guide is somewhere out there,” Hank said, but Jay knew that he didn’t believe a single word of it. They wouldn’t bother with an extensive search. The Chicago S/G Center wasn’t going to waste any resources on that. Not if they could simply make him accept an imperfect match “for his own good” by declaring him unstable. 

“Yeah, they just might,” Jay replied sarcastically. He tilted his head, automatically tuning in on Hailey’s heartbeat as she entered the building. Hank had made sure Jay was paired with another unbonded Guide after Erin left, and he and Hailey had become fast friends in addition to being work partners. 

Hank eyed him with concern but didn’t say anything. A moment later a knock sounded on the door and Hailey entered, clearly in search of Jay.

“You look terrible, Halstead,” she said by way of greeting. She closed all blinds and began to roll up the sleeve of her left arm. “What happened to your hand?” 

“Almost lost my shit when I came face to face with that pedophile. Punched a wall instead,” Jay answered, and gratefully moved into her space when she held out her left arm for him to scent. 

Jay gently held her arm as he inhaled the scent of her skin right at the inside of her elbow. He hadn’t imprinted taste, had never felt the urge to ground himself that way. A full imprint of all senses was something reserved for his real Guide and not something he would use as a means to get through his day without a true bond. 

Hailey slipped her other hand over the nape of his neck, applying gentle pressure while pouring psionic energy into his shields. He knew the action had to exhaust her but was grateful all the same that she was willing to help him even though she knew full well they would never be able to bond. 

“Jay, you need to go home and meditate,” Hailey said, a hint of Guide authority in her voice. “You’re a mess and I swear to god, if your shields fail in the field, Sentinel, I will drag your ass to the nearest Center myself. Understood?”

Jay smiled at her. His partner was badass and he kind of envied the Sentinel who would get to bond with her one day. 

“Understood,” he replied, and pressed a quick kiss into her hair. She might not be _his_ Guide, but she was the best friend anyone could ask for and Jay was once again humbled by her loyalty and willingness to back him up. 

“Take a day or two, Halstead,” Voight ordered. He sounded grumpy, but Jay knew better. Hank was worried about him. And this time, he might actually have reason to be. 

Jay headed home without hesitation.

* * *

Tony DiNozzo could be a patient man if the circumstances warranted it. Getting Gibbs to talk definitely counted as one of those occasions. As it was, Tony sat quietly on the stairs leading to the basement, watching his boss – or rather former boss – work on his boat. 

Gibbs’ movements were deliberate and precise, giving nothing at all away about what might be going on inside of him, but Tony had a pretty good idea anyway. 

The last few days had been a mess, to say the least. 

Finally, without turning around to look at Tony, Gibbs spoke. “You could have died. They broke protocol when they shut off the comms. They disobeyed a direct order. Can’t have that. Rule number one exists for a reason. So do the regs. They’re out. Even if the S/G Center hadn’t sanctioned them the way they did, no team would have them now. They screwed up.” 

That was the most Tony had heard Gibbs say in a good long time. 

“Yeah, boss, I know,” Tony replied neutrally. Because he did, in fact, know all of that. He’d been kept up to date on the proceedings, even though he had resigned effective immediately after he learned of the betrayal by his supposed teammates. It had been the straw that broke the camel’s back. 

Gibbs had gone completely dormant during his time in Mexico, after years of holding on to the last shreds of his former gifts. The Sentinel in him had never truly recovered from the loss of his Guide-wife and child, and even though Gibbs had been trained to rely on Aiding Guides while being deployed, no one and nothing could replace what he had lost when Shannon and Kelly died. 

The fact that Tony had been able to give him a small amount of comfort with his Guide gifts had never been the main reason for Tony to stay with NCIS and Gibbs though. It had just been a contributing factor. He hadn’t found his own Sentinel yet, not for lack of trying though. Helping Gibbs keep the remains of his former gifts for a little while longer had been no hardship for Tony.

“I never should have come back from Mexico. And you should have taken your own team years ago instead of letting Abby, Tim, and Ziva walk all over you. Don’t think I don’t know how they treated you while I was gone,” Gibbs spoke again. The movements of his hands on the wood became less fluid, a good indicator of just how angry Gibbs was, even though his voice didn’t give away his emotions. 

“They blamed me for you going dormant for good,” Tony said, without accusation. He hadn’t expected anything less from Ziva, who had never bothered to hide her opinion on how useless and untalented Tony was as a Guide, but Abby’s behavior had come as a bit of a surprise. 

Finally, Gibbs turned around to look at Tony. His blue-grey eyes were hard as he said, “They don’t get to have an opinion on my personal life or the status of my Sentinel abilities. It had nothing to do with you or your work. They should have known better.” 

“Yes, they should’ve,” Tony agreed, calmly. “But you need to let it go, Jethro. It’s not important anymore. It was my choice to stay with the team as long as I did and it was my choice to hide the extent of my Guide abilities. I think if they’d known, they’d probably have left me to my own devices a lot earlier. In any case, it’s a moot point now. It’s over.”

Gibbs had quit, too. He had no interest in building a new team after his had blown up on him spectacularly. Abby had of course thrown a fit. But neither Gibbs nor Tony had the energy or patience to care about her tantrum. She’d just have to accept the reality and move on, like the rest of them. 

“You got any news from the Center about your Sentinel yet?” Gibbs asked, and turned back towards his boat. 

Tony smiled. ‘Topic closed’, he thought. “Ah, no. They haven’t had any high-level Sentinels come online recently – at least none where their Guide didn’t come online along with them.”

Tony pushed a hand through his hair and massaged his scalp. It was frustrating to hear that no one seemed to fit him, when he knew in his bones, in his very core, that his Sentinel was out there somewhere, online already and just waiting to be found. 

“So, what are you gonna do now?”

“I talked to Blair. I’ll meet him in Cascade. Do some spirit walking. See if I can catch a glimpse of my Sentinel on the spirit plane. I _know_ he’s out there somewhere. I just need to find him.”

“Him?” Gibbs asked and turned around to look at Tony. “You’re sure it’s a guy?”

Oh, right, Tony hadn’t told Gibbs about the dream he’d had, yet. 

“Uh, yeah, pretty sure actually. I had this weird dream the other day, almost like being on the spirit plane, just not … quite. I couldn’t really see his face, it was all … blurred, but he felt angry and helpless, pacing like a caged animal. He was in pain, too. Though I don’t know if it was physical or more the absence of our bond.”

Tony felt the absence of their bond as well. Like a constant, hollow ache right in the middle of his chest. Only high-level Guides felt it so acutely, and even though Guides could live their lives without ever having to bond, Tony wanted nothing more than to find his Sentinel and have him fill the void inside of him. 

“I hope Blair can help,” Gibbs said, and placed the tool he’d been using on his boat to the side. He stepped up to Tony and opened his arms in invitation. 

Tony didn’t hesitate but wrapped Gibbs up in a hug. They didn’t do that often – hugging. Gibbs had usually just used the little head slaps he gave Tony as a way to ground what was left of his Sentinel senses. 

“I’m gonna miss you,” Tony said. 

“Same. But you need to look for your Sentinel, Tony,” Gibbs replied, and ended the embrace. “And you know where to find me if you need me.”

He turned around and went back to working on his boat without another word. 

Tony saw himself out.

* * *

“So, how’s the Center been treating you?” Blair asked when they settled on the mat in his meditation area. 

“Pretty good, actually,” Tony replied. “They’re doing everything they can, to find my Sentinel, but said there simply were no new registrations of high-level Sentinels anywhere in the US.”

Blair nodded. “It’s still a problem, I fear. High-level Sentinels have been pressured into accepting bad matches for far too long. But when we caught wind of it, it was already too late. Jim and I are just one pair. We’re the only Primes in the US for now, and there were quite a few Center directors and military leaders who have their own agenda. Even if it was something as selfish as keeping a Sentinel from realizing their full potential so they wouldn’t outrank them after bonding.” 

Blair was as upset about the whole situation as Tony. He sighed. 

“So, you still believe someone tried to manipulate my Sentinel? Or keep him for themselves? That's why he’s in hiding. Because he knows revealing himself to a Center will get him forced into a bond he doesn’t want.”

Tony’s stomach churned. The longer his Sentinel was forced to hide his true abilities, the greater the danger he was in. Unlike Guides, Sentinels actually did need to bond at one point, once they were online. 

Sure, the need for a bond could be delayed with drugs and with the help of Aiding Guides, but eventually the Sentinel would either go dormant or insane if no permanent bond could be formed to stabilize them. Tony would do anything in his power to keep this from happening to his Sentinel. 

“It’s the most likely scenario, yes,” Blair said. “I doubt he knows he’s the next Alpha Sentinel Prime in the making, but he must have an idea he’s going to be a strong Alpha; strong enough to burn out and damage a Guide in an unfit match. He likely has help, though. I don’t think he could have survived for so long if he’d been on his own. Someone is supporting him.” Blair’s voice said that was a good thing. That it should reassure Tony. But it didn’t.

Not really anyway. 

Tony was sick and tired of waiting. He was sick and tired of worrying and feeling like part of his soul was missing. He needed to find his Sentinel. It was way past time they finally met and bonded, even if it meant their union would turn them into the second Prime pair in the US. It meant responsibility Tony would have rather avoided. But if he got to finally be with his Sentinel, then Tony would learn to deal with it. 

Nothing was more important than his Sentinel.

“You need to help me find him, Blair. Please. I’m really worried about him. If I’m feeling the strain of the missing bond, how must he feel? I don’t know how long I … How long _he_ can do this anymore. What I felt of him in the past tells me that he’s breaking under the strain and so am I. It’s the waiting. The longing. The not knowing. Sooner or later it’s going to get to him. I need to find him before it’s too late. But I have no idea where to start looking. So please…”

Blair smiled at him. “Then let’s see if we can’t find your guy on the spirit plane.” Blair’s hand closed around Tony’s left wrist. 

There was a slight tugging sensation and then Tony and Blair were standing in the same old movie theater that was Tony’s version of the spirit plane. There was only a slight blue tint, otherwise it looked exactly like the place his mother used to take him for an afternoon spent watching a movie. 

Tony stepped further into the room and looked around. The light was dim, but not too low to be unable to make out the seats and the screen in front. There was a spirit animal lying on one of the loveseats and Tony walked closer to have a better look at it. 

“That yours?” Blair asked as he followed Tony. 

“Ah, no. Leandra is a Canadian Lynx. This is …” He took in the big cat who seemed to calmly study him in turn, the tip of her tail twitching slightly. “I think she’s a Snow Leopard. Look at that tail.” 

The tail of the spirit animal was long and thick, her paws at least as big as Tony’s hands. The markings on her face almost gave the impression of freckles. 

She was absolutely stunning. 

“Hey there, gorgeous. I’m so glad you found your way here. Did my Sentinel send you? Does he know you’re here?” Tony leaned down and offered his hand to the spirit animal to scent.

She brought her nose close to his skin, sniffed at him, and then rolled onto her back, offering her belly and chest to him for petting. 

Tony chuckled. “You’re just like Leandra. One big, snuggly cat.” 

“Tony, wait-” Blair said, but it was already too late. Tony had pushed his hand into the soft fur at the Snow Leopard’s belly. 

Touching her felt like grabbing a livewire. 

Tony wanted to instinctively pull back from the sensation that suddenly burned under his skin, but the spirit animal wrapped her huge paws around his hand and held on. It was clear that she wanted, maybe even needed, him to stay. 

“I was about to tell you that you might get a read on your Sentinel by touching her. She’s part of him and if he’s in distress, the way you think he is, then she’ll feel that way, too.” 

Tony took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “Her psionic energy feels … sharp and biting. Painful. I want to-” Tony broke off and poured what psionic energy he could spare into the weak connection he could feel to the spirit animal. 

She chuffed and licked his hand, the sting of psionic energy lessening. 

“You’re welcome, sweetheart,” Tony murmured. He could feel the spirit animal relax slightly as his psionic energy eased her discomfort. 

“I know it’s a lot to ask, but can you show me where my Sentinel is? Can you give me a clue where to look for him?” She blinked at him slowly and a wave of fatigue and dull pain travelled along the weak connection Tony had with her. 

“I know you’re pretty tired and you’re hurting. I wouldn’t ask this of you if I had another choice but I’ve been looking for you guys everywhere and can’t find a clue. We’re only able to meet right now because Blair is boosting my signal, so to speak. I really need your help finding my Sentinel so I can help him, and you, get better, okay?”

She licked his hand again. 

“I’ll let you get back to him now, but it would be a huge help if you could come back tomorrow and give me a hint where I need to look, okay? It can be anything, really. I’m good at figuring out stuff. Just, please? I don’t think he’s got a lot of time left before it gets really bad.”

The spirit animal’s tail twitched and she chuffed again, as if to say ‘yeah, tell me something I don’t know already.’ The big cat clearly had an attitude and Tony loved her for it already. She reminded him so much of Leandra. 

“See you soon.” 

Tony turned back to Blair who had been watching quietly and said, “Let’s head back.”

* * *

Jay was surprised when Yar pushed up closely against him, feeling more solid than she had in a very long time. He’d been lying on the couch trying to sleep, but he felt too restless and worried. He’d tried meditating earlier, but that had been a fail, too. 

He could center himself and get calm. But the suppressants he’d taken and the tight grip he had to maintain on his shields at all times prevented him from truly being able to relax and let go. It felt like forever since he’d managed to even get a glimpse of the spirit plane, and that fact alone was taking a toll on him. 

“Hey girl, what have you been up to?” Jay asked and ran his hands along her flanks, scratching lightly. Yar hadn’t been solid enough to pet for so long, it took Jay a second to realize that he could feel foreign psionic energy running warmly through her. Startled, he pulled back. 

It couldn’t be. 

No one should be able to touch his spirit animal other than his bonded Guide and Jay himself. Maybe, if he were especially lucky, a perfect Guide match would be able to touch Yar, but only if she showed herself and deemed the Guide worthy.

It was basically unheard of that someone other than a bonded mate could directly interact with a spirit animal not their own. 

“Did you really find us a compatible Guide? Is that what’s happening?” Jay leaned down and pressed his forehead against Yar’s head, and she huffed and gave his nose a gentle lick. 

Jay laughed. “I love you too, girl.” 

Jay hugged her again, running his fingers through her soft fur as he felt the foreign psionic energy brush against his softly. 

It felt so good. 

Jay could only imagine what a real connection with the Guide would feel like and he felt his throat burn at the thought of maybe getting to have that kind of connection after all. 

If he could somehow contact the Guide and find them. 

Jay had no illusions about the fact that he was running out of time rapidly. He needed to try and get in touch with the Guide Yar had found and ask them for help. 

Which meant he needed to be able to enter the spirit plane. 

Which meant getting off the suppressors at least until he made contact. 

Which also meant making himself even more vulnerable than he already was. 

“It’s gonna be fine. Everything is gonna be just fine,” Jay murmured and buried his face in Yar’s fur again. 

Anything else was just unthinkable.

* * *

“Do you think she’ll come? Did I boost her enough to come here again so soon? What if he’s gotten worse and she can’t leave him?”

Tony was walking back and forth between the entrance of the cinema and the loveseat where he had seen his Sentinel’s spirit animal the day before. He was nervous as hell. He was also acutely aware of the fact that his Sentinel was rapidly running out of time. 

“Tony, calm down. Getting agitated will only make it harder to maintain contact to the spirit plane. I’m sure that she’ll do her best to be here. She wants help for her Sentinel, and she knows that you need help finding him. If she has the means to come here, she will. I’m sure of that.” Blair’s voice was calm but tinged with fond exasperation. 

Tony couldn’t blame him. Ever since meeting his Sentinel’s spirit animal, Tony had thought and talked about nothing else. The urge to go find his Sentinel, comfort him, keep him safe, was like fine in Tony’s veins. Now that he had a first, small connection to him, he didn’t want to lose that again. Not when his Sentinel’s sanity and possibly his freedom or even his life were on the line. 

Tony was just about to make another trip back to the entrance when the Snow Leopard appeared beside him in a flash of light. She looked exhausted and shaky, but she’d made it. 

Tony dropped to his knees next to her immediately. 

“Hey gorgeous. I’m so glad you came. Here, let me help you.” He pushed his hands into her fur and this time he was prepared for the bite of her psionic energy. She felt even worse than the day before and Tony once again pushed all his spare energy into her. He’d talked to Blair about it and with his help, Tony had been able to gather and contain more psionic energy than usual, now that he knew the spirit animal, that his _Sentinel_ , would need it. 

Beneath his hands, the spirit animal gradually relaxed and the pain he could feel radiating off her ebbed away. 

She shook herself and in another flash of psionic energy, something appeared in her mouth. It looked like a piece of dark blue cloth. She dropped it in front of Tony and he realized she’d done what he’d asked and brought him a clue. 

“Oh wow. Thank you so much! You’re awesome!”

Tony picked up the blue cloth and something fell to the floor as he did so. It was a black leather case with a silver star attached to it. The leather case had a belt clip and a chain dangling from it and Tony instantly recognized it as a police badge. He was reasonably sure it was a Chicago police badge – the shape of the badge was rather distinctive. 

Then he looked at the blue cloth he still held and had to laugh. It was a Chicago bears t-shirt. Blue, with the orange print of a roaring bear head on it. 

“My Sentinel is in Chicago, huh?” Tony asked the spirit animal. He felt giddy with relief. “He’s a cop, it would seem. Why am I not surprised?” 

The spirit animal chuffed at him, giving a fair impression of a mental eyeroll. 

“Thank you so much for your help,” Tony said, and petted the Snow Leopard again, pushing what psionic energy he could spare at her without dropping out of the spirit plane. 

“I’m gonna fly to Chicago and start asking around for you guys. Do you think he could come here though? It’d make things so much easier if I knew who I’m looking for. I know he’s probably pretty weak already or on suppressants, but if he can make it at all, could you try to bring him here? Please?” Tony knew he sounded desperate but the fear inside of him grew with every minute he wasn’t with his Sentinel. 

Touching the spirit animal, seeing her in such bad shape had driven home the fact just in how much danger his Sentinel really was. 

Blair stepped up to them and leaned down to the Snow Leopard without touching. “I know he’s struggling and I know he’s in danger. I promise you, Tony and I are coming for help. We just need a little more time to find him in the real world. If you can get him to come to the spirit plane at all, I’ll know and I can bring Tony along so they can meet. We’re not giving up on either of you, you have my word.”

The spirit animal chuffed again and then vanished, leaving Tony with a sense of loss that took his breath away.

* * *

Jay had been avoiding calls from the Center all day. They’d left messages asking him to call back. Asking him to check in and report to the Center for evaluation, stating they wanted to ‘help’. Jay felt nauseous thinking about what that kind of ‘help’ would look like. 

When he’d come online while taking fire, during his time in Afghanistan, Jay hadn’t been too worried. He knew Sentinels were held in high regard by the military. They were viewed as valuable assets and received any support they needed - be it mental or physical. They were provided with a choice of Guides and usually everything went off without a hitch: Pick a Guide, get some specialized training together, keep serving your country. 

The only problem was, Jay’s CO was an ass, and a greedy one at that. As soon as he realized he had a newly emerged Sentinel on his hands, he had started to make arrangements for Jay’s bonding - bonding to a Guide of _his_ choice. He made no secret of the fact that he expected Jay to accept the Guide that was being shoved at him and to be a good little soldier and turn into the pet Sentinel of their unit. 

It was then Jay realized that he wouldn’t be allowed to look for a good match. Not even for a decent one. He wouldn’t be allowed to choose at all - the Guide he was supposed to bond to, to basically submit to, was a means to an end to control him.

He’d already met his spirit animal, a beautiful Snow Leopard he named Yar - before realizing that was apparently usually a boy’s name - who supported and comforted him as he came to terms with the fact that he would have to hide his status if he wanted to survive his tour mentally intact. She gave him the strength to come up with a plan to get out of that bonding and out of being turned into something he simply wasn’t.

With the help of some locals he managed to find a Guide who could teach him how to build strong shields even in his unbonded state and who could supply him with herbs that served as a mild suppressant. Within four weeks of coming online in the middle of a war zone, Jay was once again considered offline, or even dormant. 

Having robbed his CO of the chance to show off his pet Sentinel and rise in the ranks, there were a lot of repercussions. Jay left the military as soon as he was able to, and never looked back. He knew he was a strong Sentinel, possibly even an Alpha, and he couldn’t risk putting a Guide in danger in an unfit bond. But Jay was reasonably sure that was exactly what would happen, if he handed himself over to the Center and their so called ‘help’. 

They hadn't been any help whatsoever when he’d come back from Afghanistan and had asked to meet high level Guides in case he came online again. It was very clear the people in charge at the main Chicago center had no desire to help create another possible Alpha pair. There was a lot of corruption in the Chicago Centers no matter which one he turned to, and it soon became clear Jay couldn’t expect any true help from them. 

Jay was just lucky he had Voight. And Hailey. 

His partner was a godsend. When Lindsey had walked away, her leaving had almost broken him. She’d acted as his support in the field, his baseline as much as he allowed himself to imprint on her. Losing her had almost done him in. 

He’d had to up his suppressant dosage afterwards, had needed time to adjust and get used to another Guide in his life. But Hailey had made it incredibly easy. She was the best friend and substitute Guide anyone could ask for. There were days when he wished she could have been his. It would have made things so much easier. 

Yar appeared in a flash of psionic energy. 

She nudged him and Jay was once again surprised at how solid she felt, how sturdy. The psionic energy he could feel running warmly through her, when he touched her, felt so good Jay almost sobbed. That was part of his Guide he could feel. Somewhere out there was someone waiting for Jay. A match. A perfect, glorious match. Having that tiny connection to them was already incredibly soothing to Jay. It meant there was still a chance he’d get to have a real bond, happiness, after all. 

Jay wrapped his arms around Yar’s body and buried his face in her soft fur. After a moment she started to get restless, which surprised Jay. Yar started shifting on her paws, tail twitching, and then she turned her head and seemed to want to grab the hem of his Henley with her teeth, as if to pull him along physically. 

“You want me to come with you somewhere? On the spirit plane?” Jay asked. He was surprised. It was obvious that Yar had met with his Guide more than once, and Jay had guessed they probably wanted to meet him. But he hadn’t thought it would be that quick. He’d only stopped taking the suppressants two days ago. He wasn’t sure he’d make it to the spirit plane quite yet and, if he did, how long he would be able to stay. Yar should have been able to sense that. 

Did that mean she knew he could make it there? Or were they simply running out of time with the Center and Yar wanted him to try anyway?

“Okay, okay, I’m coming,” Jay said. He got up and settled himself onto the mat he used for meditation. Then he waved Yar over. 

“Come here, girl. I need you to show me where to go.” She lay down next to him and plopped her head into his lap. Jay buried his hands in her soft fur once again, took a deep breath, and let her pull him away.

* * *

Tony and Blair were in one of the private S/G lounges at the airport, waiting for their flight to O’Hare. Tony had started to call Chicago Centers, inquiring after an online, high level Sentinel working with CPD. He’d been met with a whole lot of resistance and not even Blair had been able to get them to budge. Tony wasn’t sure if it was because they actually didn’t know much or if they were just stonewalling to keep them from getting to his Sentinel.

One thing became abundantly clear, though: They needed a name and they needed it fast. Chances were, they had alerted the local Centers to the existence of Tony’s Sentinel and that meant his Sentinel might be in more danger than ever. 

It also showed Blair just how far the corruption in some Centers still ran, if inquiries were handled with that much resistance and disdain. Something was definitely up in the Chicago Centers. 

Just when Tony was about to call another Chicago Center, and then move on to someone at CPD, Blair grabbed his arm. 

“Tony, I think he’s there,” Blair said. They sat down in the corner of the room that was set up for meditation and a second later Tony found himself in the theater, on the spirit plane. 

The Snow Leopard was back on the love seat and on the floor right in front of it was a hunched figure. The man’s features were blurry and he seemed to be quite a lot more insubstancial than Tony had hoped, but he was there. 

Relief flooded Tony as he hurried to kneel in front of his Sentinel’s huddled form. 

“Hey there,” Tony said, softly. He was giddy with excitement and happiness, but he couldn’t let that distract him. 

“Hi,” his Sentinel answered, sounding strained. Tony still couldn’t make out his face clearly, but what little he could see made Tony’s breath catch in his throat.

His Sentinel was beautiful. 

“I’m so glad to finally meet you. I wasn’t sure if your spirit animal would be able to get you here. I’m Tony. Tony DiNozzo. I think I might be your Guide. I mean … if you’ll have me, that is.” 

God, he sounded like an idiot. 

The Sentinel gasped in surprise. “You really exist,” he whispered. “I wasn’t completely sure that’s what’s been happening. I just knew Yar had met someone. Someone who could touch her. I’m Jay Halstead. And I think you might be right. I think you’re my Guide.”

Relief and hope flooded Tony. And so much happiness. 

“Oh my God, I’ve been looking for you all over but couldn’t find you. I only figured out yesterday where you are. I’ve tried the National S/G Council before, but I had no luck. They said there were no unbonded high level Sentinels. Are you in danger? Is that why you’re hiding?” 

“Yeah, I think that if I go to a Center they’ll try to set me up with an unsuitable Guide. It’s happened before. I’m in Chicago, but I’m already too weak to travel. Can we meet? In person? To make sure we’re really compatible?”

“Yes, yes of course. Blair and I are already on our way to Chicago. We’re at the airport. But-” Tony broke off and hesitated. It was a risk. A big one, but he was willing to take it. Everything inside of him strained to be close to his Sentinel. As close as possible. 

He held out his hand to Jay and hoped that they would be able to touch, even a little. 

Jay gasped but reached out as well, and a second later Tony could feel ghostly fingertips touching his palm. It sent an electric jolt through him not unlike touching the spirit animal - Yar - for the first time. 

Tony threw everything he had, every bit of psionic energy he could spare into the connection to his Sentinel, and reached out mentally as best as he could. A prelim-bond sprang to life between them, frail and soft like cobwebs. But it was there. 

Startled, Tony turned to look at Blair in confusion. “Blair? Is this real?”

Blair, who had stood back and watched them, nodded. “It’s entirely possible to forge a preliminary bond through the spirit plane. It’s rare and complicated and only ever happens with perfect matches, but yes, it’s very much real. Preliminary bonds forged like that are a lot less stable, however, and if you decide to go for a real bond you need to meet in person sooner rather than later, before the bond deteriorates.” 

“We’re a match,” Jay said. There was so much amazement and wonder in his voice it broke Tony’s heart.

“Yes, we are. I told you, I think you’re my Sentinel and I would love to be your Guide. Blair said we’re a perfect match.” 

“Wow, I-” 

Tony didn’t get to know what Jay had wanted to say next because Yar jumped to her feet and Jay’s head whipped around, listening to something only he could hear. Something that was likely happening on the physical plane. 

“They’re here. People from the Center. They are trying to break down my door. Tony, please find me. Help me. Call Hank Voight. He’s my boss with Intelligence. I-” 

And then Jay was gone.

* * *

The pain of his senses spiraling out of control was excruciating, but Jay knew if he gave up, if he gave in, all would be lost. So he concentrated inwards, put all of his energy into strengthening his mental shields, protecting the frail, barely-there connection to Tony as best as possible.

Tony would come for him, Jay had to believe that. If Tony couldn’t find him, Killian would win and the poor kid they’d dragged in to bond with Jay ‘for his own good’ would suffer for it. There was no way Jeff, the young military Guide Killian insisted was a good match for Jay, would survive being bonded to him unharmed for long. He simply wasn’t strong enough. Jay was sure he’d give the kid brain damage eventually.

Right now, though, his hand on Jay’s forehead felt like a branding iron. Jay clenched his jaw and tried to breathe through the pain that was coursing through his body, hands grabbing fistfuls of sheet.

He needed Tony. He needed Tony to come and save him, before it was too late.

“He’s still heavily shielded, sir. I can’t connect to him at all. You said he’s in sensory overload and not in control of his shields or senses. That I need to take over for his own good.” The confusion and worry in Jeff’s voice would have been touching if Jay’s hearing hadn’t been ramped up so much. Every word out of the kid’s mouth felt like an explosion inside of Jay’s head.

“Sir, I don’t understand what’s going on. Tell me what to do!”

“Don’t be an idiot,” Killian snapped, and Jay felt like he was going to puke from the pain in his head alone.

“If you can’t connect to him you must be doing something wrong. He’s clearly in pain from sensory overload. You need to take control and bond with him so you can shield him properly, make sure he gets back on track. If you don’t, your actions will be considered grossly negligent and you will be charged with the endangerment of an online Sentinel.” 

“But sir, I-”

Jeff’s feeble protest was interrupted by the sound of the door opening. The footsteps of the person entering the room sounded like thunder in Jay’s ears.

“I think we’ll take it from here,” Tony’s voice said, and Jay would have cried from relief if he’d had the energy for that.

The hand on his forehead vanished abruptly, but before Jay had a chance to feel grateful for the reprieve from pain, all hell broke loose. People were talking over each other and there was shuffling and someone bumped against the bed Jay was lying on, sending him into the worst spiral of pain yet.

Jay could feel his resolve falter, the pain was simply too bad. Just when he was sure he was about to lose consciousness, everything just _stopped_. The noise, the pain, the nausea, everything seemed to just vanish into a wisp of smoke.

Surprised, Jay opened his eyes and looked around. Blair Sandburg was standing right beside his bed, a very satisfied grin on his face. His fingertips rested against the back of Jay’s left hand, soft as a feather. With a start, Jay realized that it must be Blair who was currently buffering him completely.

But why him and not Tony?

They were meant to be a pair, weren’t they? Otherwise they’d never been able to forge the fragile connection to each other on the spirit plane. The very thing that had kept Jay alive and sane during the last 36 hours or so.

“Security!” Killian yelled, making Jay flinch at the noise despite being buffered. Killian’s face was turning red and splotchy, a fact that had Jay slightly worried, since Killian’s Guide was nowhere to be seen.

“Where the hell is security? I demand to know what is going on here! Who are you and what are you doing in my facility? I’m Alpha Sentinel Chad Killian and I’m the director of this Center. You can’t just waltz in here. I’ll have you detained and arrested.” 

Jay thought it was kind of ironic that Killian hadn’t recognized Sandburg for who he was, seeing there were portraits of the Prime pair hanging somewhere in every Center around the country. Then again, Killian had probably been way too distracted during it all, trying to make sense of how his plans had gone to shit so rapidly. Jay was very much looking forward to what would happen next.

“I think the only one who might get detained and arrested will be you and your Guide, Sentinel Killian,” Sandburg said pleasantly. He was still maintaining contact with Jay and the buffer he had created was so full of warmth and comfort that Jay wanted nothing more than to bask in it for a little bit longer. Let the Prime soothe all the aches and heal the psionic wounds the almost forced-bonding had left on him.

Tony was standing nearby but seemed to be content with just looking at Jay, the lines of his shoulders relaxed and a small smile on his face. He looked like they had all the time in the world and with a start Jay realized that was probably actually the case.

Tony had come to rescue him and he’d brought the cavalry.

Jay yawned. He was feeling very drowsy all of a sudden. Then again, the last few days had been hell.

“It’s not Jeff’s fault. Please don’t blame him,” Jay murmured before he closed his eyes and let the gentle warmth of Sandburg’s buffer lull him to sleep.

* * *

Tony had showered and changed into clothes provided by the Center, then had resumed his position on a chair next to his Sentinel’s bed. Jay was still asleep, healing, aided by Blair’s very solid psionic buffer. Tony could feel the power and strength behind it; could feel the warm psionic energy that Blair had wrapped around Jay like a cocoon. 

It made Tony unreasonably jealous. 

And irritated. 

He shouldn’t feel like that. Shouldn’t feel so… territorial. Possessive. Especially not since Jay wasn’t really his Sentinel yet and Blair, _the Prime_ , was no threat toward a possible relationship with Jay at all. Blair was merely helping a Sentinel in need. 

But Jay was _his_. His Sentinel. At least that was what all of Tony’s senses insisted on. That Jay was supposed to be his mate. Tony just hoped Jay felt the same way, now that bonding was in reach and not just a hypothetical to be discussed longingly with a stranger he’d met on the spirit plane. 

Just because they had managed to form a weak, fragile version of a surface bond through the spirit plane didn’t actually mean Jay would necessarily agree to an actual bonding, Tony knew that. Now that Blair was there, Jay had options. Options that didn’t necessarily include Tony. 

And the last thing Tony wanted for Jay was to feel pressured into agreeing to bond with him. Tony had lived without a bond for a very long time now. He would survive living unbonded infinitely. For him, bonding was a choice. 

Jay didn’t have that kind of freedom, though, which was why his explicit consent was particularly important. 

Tony sighed. The wait was killing him.

He sat there watching his ridiculously handsome Sentinel sleep and wished keeping away from him didn’t hurt as badly as it did. Tony wanted nothing more than to gather his Sentinel in his arms, wrap his mind around Jay’s, and soothe all the hurt, loneliness, and fear he knew Jay had been through. But he couldn’t. It wasn’t his place. 

The door opened and Blair stepped in, a huge grin on his face. He walked over to where Tony was sitting and said quietly, “You know, it’s perfectly normal to feel the way you’re feeling right now. My buffer is interfering with the slight bond you have with Jay. It’s messing with your empathy. You start perceiving me as a threat to a possible permanent bond with Jay. Your head knows that I’m only trying to help, but your senses disagree.” He smiled again. “It’s okay though. It’ll pass as soon as I cancel my buffer. But you should reinforce your shields, Tony. You’re bleeding anxiety all over the place.”

Tony stared at Blair, horrified. He’d had perfect control over his shields practically since coming online as a teenager. It had been a matter of survival, really. As soon as Senior had learned about Tony’s Guide gifts, he’d tried to exploit the fact that his son was an empath, so Tony had to be a quick study in order to not get caught up in his father’s shady business. 

Ever since Tony had been able to shield himself so completely, he barely registered as an online Guide. It was a protection of sorts because very few people bothered to try and manipulate a low-level Guide. It would take another high-level Guide – like Blair – to even be able to determine what Tony truly was. 

That Tony had now slipped up on his shielding without even noticing was both an embarrassment and cause for worry. With powers like his there was very little room for error – not even when under this much pressure. 

“Hey, no! Cut yourself some slack here,” Blair said as if on cue. As if he’d read Tony’s mind, when in reality he’d probably just been able to feel how worried Tony was. 

Case in point. 

“Why do I get the feeling he’s not really good at that?” 

Jay’s sleepy voice startled Tony, and he focused on his Sentinel again while reinforcing his own shields as best as he could. 

“Probably because he really isn’t,” Blair answered with a laugh. “How are you feeling, Jay?”

Jay pushed himself upright on the bed, ran his hands through his already mussed up hair and lifted an eyebrow at Blair. “You tell me, _Prime_. You’ve wrapped me up all nice and cozy, I’m not sure I’m even capable of feeling bad right now.” 

There was a hint of _something_ in his voice. Something Tony couldn’t figure out. Was it irritation? Insecurity? Fear? 

Blair either didn’t notice or didn’t think it worth mentioning though. He just smiled at Jay and said, “I just made sure you’re not in pain any more after what Killian put you through. We need you with a clear head if you’re supposed to make life changing decisions.”

At that, Jay frowned. 

“Life changing decisions,” he parroted. “Did I miss something here? I’m not sure what’s going on. And, please don’t get me wrong, I appreciate everything you have done for me, Blair, but, why … why you? Why are you the one taking care of me and not my Guide? Unless-” He broke off and a wave of grief and hopelessness hit Tony square in the chest. 

Tony wasn’t sure if Blair let the emotion through on purpose or if it was just too strong for even Blair to contain, considering he wasn’t actually bonded to Jay and merely buffering him. Even Primes had their limits after all. 

“Jay-” Tony started, but Jay interrupted him.

“I’m sorry, Tony. I shouldn’t have assumed. I know we only talked once about being compatible, back there in the spirit plane. And I’m really grateful you found me and rescued me. Me and Jeff, actually. So, thank you. Both of you.” He took a deep breath and focused his attention on Blair deliberately.

“I’m guessing the life changing decision you were talking about means you’ll help me find a compatible Guide who won’t get brain damage from being bonded to me?”

“I volunteer for that job, if that’s an option,” Tony said. He could feel the pain and fear Jay tried to hide so desperately and he knew that Jay hadn’t actually rejected him. He was trying to give Tony an out. “I have it on good authority that we’re a perfect match, actually.”

Jay just stared at him. 

“You’re right, you shouldn’t have assumed. You shouldn’t have assumed that I wanted to go back on my promise to be your Guide just because I’m not the one buffering you right now.” Tony was careful not to put any teasing or accusation into his voice. Jay had been hurt enough to last a lifetime; Tony wasn’t about to add to that. 

“Then why?” Jay asked, and he sounded completely bewildered. 

“Consent,” Blair answered in a quiet voice. “You need to be able to consent to the bond with Tony before he can take care of you in any shape or form. Otherwise we wouldn’t be any better than Killian when he tried to force you and Jeff to bond with each other. And up until now, you were in no condition to consent to, or deny, this bond. Now that you’re better, I’ll cancel my buffer and will let you make your own decisions. I promise if you decide to not bond with Tony, I will help you find a suitable Guide to bond with and I will personally make sure that this union is consensual on both sides. The times where Centers got away with pressuring Sentinels and Guides into unsuited bonds are over once and for all.”

“You really want this? _Me?_ ” Jay asked, and Tony didn’t need his empathy to read the hope and longing these words held. 

He nodded. “Yeah, I really do. But we need to do this right. For both our sakes. So there won’t be any doubt at all that you entered this bond with me willingly. We need to be prepared because there will be people who will accuse me of forcing this bond. To get control over you. To take advantage of what you will become.”

“What I will become? I’m sorry, Tony but you’re not making any sense here. I just want to bond with you. It’s not rocket science as far as I know. Sentinels and Guides have been doing it forever. I-” he turned to Blair and asked, “What exactly _is_ he talking about?”

Blair smiled. He seemed to be enjoying the conversation greatly. “Jay, earlier you said that I need to find you a Guide you won’t give brain damage to when you bond with them. I know that you’re aware of the fact that you’re a very powerful Sentinel and that you need an equally powerful Guide.”

Jay nodded. “Yes, and Jeff wasn’t anywhere near strong enough. Bonding with me would have hurt him in the long run. I mean, I’m fairly sure I’m an Alpha, like my brother Will. He’s actually the reason why the Center started paying attention to me again. You probably know that he and his Sentinel Connor are the new Chicago Alphas.”

“Jay, you’re a lot more powerful than Will,” Blair said. “Both you and Tony are very powerful in your own right, but once you’re bonded, your powers will surpass that of most other Sentinels in the country. In fact, Tony and I are reasonably sure that once you bond with him, you’ll be the next Alpha Sentinel Prime. You and Tony will be America’s second Prime pair.” 

“You’re kidding me!” The denial was instant, and Jay sounded so shocked that Tony felt horrible for him. To have the news dumped on him like that had clearly shaken his Sentinel. 

“’fraid not,” Tony said and stuffed his hands into the pockets of his pants to keep from reaching for Jay. Once more Tony had to fight the urge to wrap his Sentinel up, body and mind, and keep him safe, protect him from whatever the world decided to throw at him next. 

Not that he thought Jay would allow that, just yet. He was so used to having to tough it out on his own, having someone by his side who would support him completely would probably take some getting used to. The bond would help, of course, but they didn’t have that. Not yet. 

Yar appeared in a flash of psionic energy and hopped onto the bed. The big cat nosed Jay’s chin and head butted him until Jay wrapped his arms around her and held on for dear life. The presence of Jay’s spirit animal told Tony just how affected Jay really was, despite the slight buffer Blair still maintained. Blair had probably anticipated Jay’s reaction to the news and hadn’t cancelled his buffer completely for that very reason. 

“I know this is a shock to you and I know it’s a bit overwhelming right now, but you don’t have to be afraid. You got this, Jay. If you decide to bond with Tony, you guys will make a great Prime pair. Everything will work itself out, I’m sure of that.” Blair sounded so calm and reasonable that Tony felt the tension drain out of his own shoulders. He hadn’t even noticed just how tense he had been.

Jay let go of Yar just as Leandra appeared in another flash of psionic energy. Tony’s Canadian Lynx pawed gently at Yar and a moment later both of the cats were curled up around each other on the floor next to Jay’s bed, snuggling. 

It was obvious that at least their spirit animals had no reservations whatsoever regarding whether or not bonding was a good idea. They would be fine with each other. 

Jay sighed. He looked straight at Tony and said, “This is an awful lot of responsibility we’ll be taking on if we become the new Primes, but, Tony, I don’t think I could give you up again. Not now, not after I’ve just found you. You’re everything I’ve hoped for. You’re the Guide I’ve waited for ever since I came online. The bond we have, frail as it may be, was what kept me sane during this whole mess with Killian. You saved me, Tony. And you’re willing to be my Guide. I can’t let my fear of the unknown keep me from finally having the bond I always dreamed of. I want this. I want to bond with you.”

“Great, if that’s settled then we should probably call in the witnesses, get this show on the road,” Blair chimed in brightly, breaking the suddenly way too serious mood. 

“Witnesses?” Jay asked, confused. 

“I invited a few of your and Tony’s friends to come over. If you hadn’t agreed to the bonding, they’d just have been here to meet you guys. But since you agreed after all, they can function as witnesses, so they can testify to the fact that you are both entering this bond of your own free will. It’s usually not necessary to have that many witnesses or make all of this so official, but given the circumstances with Killian and the almost forced bonding and also the fact that your bonding will be about as high profile as it gets…” Blair trailed off, looking slightly sheepish. 

“You decided that better safe than sorry is the way to go. Got it. Do I get to change or am I supposed to face all of them like this?” Jay pointed to the sleep-rumpled Center issued clothes he was still wearing. 

“Well, you can get changed and freshen up a little if that would make you feel more comfortable, but to be honest, I doubt anyone will care what you look like. All they care about is that you’re safe and happy. And the sooner this is over, the sooner you and Tony can bond.” Blair’s grin was just this side of dirty. 

Jay huffed out a laugh and scrubbed his hands over his face. “All right, let’s get this over with then.”

* * *

Jay placed his hands against the cool tiles of the shower and let his head sink towards his chest so the hot stream of water hit him right between the shoulder blades. He kept careful tabs on his senses, made sure they never went above baseline, since now that Blair had taken away his buffer, zoning might become a problem again. 

Thankfully, Tony, his Guide, was waiting for him right outside the bathroom door. 

_His Guide_. 

The thought was strange and exhilarating at once. Especially since the last couple of hours had been beyond surreal. 

Blair had gathered Will, Connor, Hailey, and Voight, as well as Tony’s former boss, Gibbs, and an elderly Doctor by the name of Donald Mallard, who preferred to be called ‘Ducky’. Gibbs and Voight had gotten on like a house on fire, surprising everyone, including Tony who previously had described Gibbs as monosyllabic and grumpy. 

Will and Connor had been amused by Ducky, who was very obviously fond of telling stories and going off on the most ridiculous tangents. It had been fun to watch Tony’s and his own friends and family interact and have a good time before the official part had begun. 

Jay and Tony had both stated that they were willing to enter a bond with each other and neither had been coerced or pressured into accepting the other as bond partner. Their compatibility results had been reviewed and in the end the witnesses had signed the official papers that would allow Jay and Tony to bond without the doubt of impropriety hanging over them. 

By then, Jay had been more than ready to finally get his hands on Tony and have some spectacular bonding sex with him. But first he needed a long, hot shower. Despite Blair’s buffer and a couple hours of restful sleep, Jay felt tense and sore. He knew he wouldn’t feel at ease, wouldn’t feel _right_ , until the imprint and the bond were done, but the shower was already taking effect: loosening stiff muscles and making him feel less grimy and disgusting. 

The door opened, letting in a stream of cooler air that almost sent Jay’s senses for a spin, but he held tight onto his shields and kept his senses at baseline. A moment later Tony joined him in the spacious shower stall. 

“Hey stranger, mind if I wash your back?” Tony’s voice was soft and slightly hoarse as he moved closer to Jay. 

“You already showered,” Jay said. An observation, nothing more. 

“Uh huh, and now I’d like to shower again, with my Sentinel,” Tony replied, his hand hovering just above Jay’s right shoulder. “Is it okay if I touch you?”

“God, yes!”

Jay appreciated Tony asking, since they were virtually strangers, but the pull of their fledgling bond had been almost impossible to ignore during the process of signing papers and getting witnesses to oversee their willingness to bond. Finally getting to have Tony’s hands on him was all Jay could think about ever since they’d been left alone to bond. 

Tony’s hands were strong but gentle as he started to rub Jay’s shoulders, trying to relax him a bit more. Jay’s breath caught in his throat. It felt so damn good. He finally lifted his head enough to turn a bit and look at Tony.

“Damn, you’re gorgeous,” Tony whispered. He seemed mesmerized by something, but Jay couldn’t quite figure out what it was.

Jay grinned. “Says the guy who looks like he stepped out of the cover of GQ magazine,” he quipped. 

“Nah,” Tony said and grinned back at Jay. “It’s just the suits.” 

Jay disagreed – Tony was really quite attractive – but decided to drop the topic. 

“You have freckles,” Tony said, apropos of nothing. 

Jay laughed. “Yeah, no kidding. I have a lot of them, actually.” He turned around completely so Tony could have a look at the freckles spreading over his arms and torso. Jay usually didn’t pay a lot of attention to them, but Tony seemed fascinated. 

“Hm, I think I might have to count them all sometime,” Tony said. “But for now, I think I promised to wash you.” 

Tony reached for the shower gel that sat on a little shelf inside the shower stall and a moment later his soapy hands were running down Jay’s chest. 

Jay groaned again and closed his eyes. He wasn’t quite sure if this was heaven or hell. Tony’s hands on his skin were wonderful, but he also was instantly so turned on it almost hurt. He lost his grip on his shields briefly, his senses dialing up as if of their own volition, and Jay belatedly realized that he had apparently already started to imprint on Tony. 

“It’s okay, I’ve got you,” Tony murmured right next to Jay’s ear and Jay turned his head, seeking Tony’s mouth for a first tentative kiss. 

Imprinting taste was nothing like Jay had imagined. Over time, imprinting his other senses on Hailey to stay sane had turned into a routine, but this, this was entirely different. It felt like his whole body, his whole self, was straining toward the taste of his Guide. Jay gasped and held onto Tony as he kissed him again; the touch of Tony’s tongue seemed to send a jolt of electric energy through Jay’s body. He felt lightheaded and dizzy and his legs threatened to give way beneath him. 

“Whoa, easy there. I think we should get you out of the shower and onto a bed, Jay,” Tony’s hands were strong and steady as he made sure that Jay stayed upright and didn’t slip and crack his head open. 

“You should hurry with washing my back then,” Jay replied. He sounded way more breathless than he had intended to. 

Surprisingly enough, once Tony set out to actually get Jay clean with as little fuss as possible, Jay managed to stay in control. But maybe that was also due to the buffer of psionic energy Tony had wrapped around him when he’d gotten unsteady on his feet. 

They were out of the shower and cursorily dried off in no time at all, and it was only then Jay allowed himself to really look at his Guide. 

Tony was well built, all solid muscles and miles of slightly tanned skin. He was also taller than Jay, but Jay didn’t mind – Tony was never going to be anything less than perfect in Jay’s eyes. Once again all of Jay’s senses latched onto Tony and Jay let his whole self be filled by the scent and the sound of his Guide. By the way his skin felt beneath Jay’s fingertips. 

“Bed, Jay,” Tony whispered, and tugged Jay over to the spacious bed that was the main part of the bonding suite. As Jay watched, Tony lay down on the bed on his left side, patting the space in front of himself with his right hand. “Join me?” he asked, and the buffer around Jay filled with warmth and reassurance. 

With trust. 

Jay complied and settled onto the bed next to Tony, facing him. He studied Tony’s face again, committing every little detail to memory. Jay was certain he would have no problems at all losing himself completely in his new Guide. 

“How would you like to do this?” Tony asked, and linked his right hand with Jay’s left. “What does the Sentinel in you need?”

Jay thought for a moment. In most cases the Sentinel would ‘claim’ their Guide in one way or the other, when entering a sexual bond. But Jay’s most urgent need at the moment seemed to be of a more explorative nature. He wanted to touch every inch of Tony’s body, wanted to learn all of its secrets. It was something that would have happened at least partially when they created their preliminary bond. But since they seemed to do everything a bit backwards, Jay was certain this wasn’t actually much of a big deal. He’d just imprint and then they could finally bond completely. Physically and mentally. 

“I think I need to do a more thorough imprint before we can complete the bond,” Jay said. 

Tony smiled at him. “I figured as much. I’m all yours,” he said and rolled himself on his back. “It’s okay to trust your instincts, Jay. I’m not going anywhere.” He seemed to be completely at ease with whatever was going to happen next. 

Jay tentatively reached out a hand to touch Tony. He lifted himself up to kneel beside his Guide on the bed, before running his hands over Tony’s torso and arms. The urge to kiss and taste as well as touch the warm skin beneath his fingers grew with every passing moment, and Jay decided to take Tony’s advice and just let his instincts lead the way. 

He got lost in the sensations of mapping every inch of his Guide’s body and Jay couldn’t have told how long it took until he resurfaced, the physical imprint on his Guide completed.

But while scent, sound, and feel of Tony were filed away and catalogued, incorporated into his sensory map to form a new baseline, Jay realized his need for a mental connection to Tony overpowered his need to claim him physically. Jay took a deep breath and tried to find the words to say what he needed to say. 

“Tony, I…” he started, but didn’t quite know how to voice his needs. 

Tony sat up and cupped Jay’s face with his hand. “Just say it, Jay. Whatever it is that you need, just tell me. You can ask for anything, you know that, right? If it’s in my power to give, it’s yours.” 

“I’d like to scent-mark you, if … if that’s okay with you.” Jay was sure his face was as red as a tomato. 

“Oh! I like that idea,” Tony’s grin was blinding. “Are you gonna come on me, Jay?” he asked in a whisper. “Wanna rub it into my skin? Make sure I smell like you. Let everyone know I’m yours. God, that’s so hot!” 

It was clear Tony meant every word. 

“I want you to fuck me,” Jay said, emboldened by Tony’s enthusiastic reception of his request. “I want you inside of me when we bond – mind and body. I want you inside of me in every possible way.” 

Tony kissed him, soft and unhurried. “If that’s what you want,” he said. “I’m yours, Jay. No matter what. Nothing’s ever gonna change that. Please don’t hesitate to ask for what you need from me.”

Jay stared at Tony, completely mesmerized. How had he gotten so lucky? How had he been found worthy of such an amazing Guide? 

“I can’t believe how perfect you are,” Jay murmured as he focused back on the way Tony’s skin felt beneath his fingers. 

Tony chuckled. “I’m not perfect. Not even close. But you deserve a Guide who gives you what you need, Jay. And we’ve both been waiting so long for a good match. I’ve been waiting for my other half for so many years and now that I’ve finally found you, all I can think about is being with you. Bonding with you. Being the Guide you want, the Guide you need.” He broke off and rubbed the back of his neck, looking almost shy. 

“I guess what I’m trying to say is that I think we’re meant for each other. While you’re probably far from perfect yourself, you’re perfect for _me_. My perfect fit. And that’s all that matters, really. I can’t wait for you to discover your full potential, and I’m excited I get to be the one to help you do it. You’re so impressive. And I’m madly in love with you already.”

Jay stared at Tony. He hadn’t expected his Guide to say that. Sure, both of them had searched for each other for what felt like a lifetime, but this was the very first time that Tony had said he loved him. Being compatible and a perfect fit for each other didn’t necessarily come with instant love. 

Lust, yes. 

The urge to bond in some way or the other – definitely. 

But just because you felt like fucking each other’s brains out or longed for a mental bond didn’t mean love – being in love – was part of the package, too. 

“I need you to fuck me, Tony. Now. I need you to claim me and fill me and make me whole. Physically. Mentally. Any way I can get you.” 

Jay leaned over and kissed Tony, putting all of the longing, all of the lust and excitement he felt, into that one kiss. 

“Ride me,” Tony whispered against Jay’s lips, and it sent a thrill of arousal down Jay’s spine. 

Tony looked debauched and a little flushed, and so, so sexy. 

“With you on top of me, you’re still in control. I think your Sentinel side might be pleased with that. Besides, that way you can come on my chest. Spill all over me. Rub your scent into my skin and make sure I smell of you. Make me yours.” 

“You’re already mine. My Guide,” Jay replied, because it was the truth. Not just because they had signed some papers or stated their intention to bond. No, Jay could feel Tony become more and more part of him with every passing second. Like a slow but inevitable merge. He wasn’t quite sure if Tony was doing it consciously, but if not, Jay probably had put it into motion with his thorough imprint. 

“Your Guide,” Tony agreed. He tugged lightly at Jay’s hips until Jay complied and straddled him. 

It really was a very satisfying position. With Tony’s hard cock rubbing against him, Tony beneath him, pliant but far from submissive, the Sentinel in Jay was pleased. 

And impossibly turned on. 

Tony grinned and handed Jay a tube of lube he must have grabbed earlier. 

“I like where your thoughts are heading, Sentinel. Come on, let’s bond.”

* * *

Tony drifted awake slowly in his Sentinel’s arms. Jay had spooned him sometime during the night, his arm a comfortable weight across Tony’s hips. He didn’t know what time it was, but it didn’t matter anyway. They had all the time in the world. 

And what a strange new world it was. 

Nothing, not even the extensive talks with Blair, had prepared Tony for the earth shattering changes that boding with Jay had brought. Even with his shields up and more solid than they had ever been before, Tony now could sense things, feel things he hadn’t even known existed. 

Suddenly it didn’t seem so strange anymore, how effortlessly Blair had buffered Jay the day before. Tony knew he would be able to do it just as easily for any other Sentinel. The sheer amount of psionic power he had at his disposal now almost made him dizzy. 

Curious, Tony focused on his Sentinel. Jay was sleeping peacefully, completely unbothered by anything that had happened in the last two days. He was content and calm, though he seemed to have cast some sort of light sensory net over the room, even in sleep. Tony didn’t know how he knew, but he could feel that if need be, _he_ would be able to tap into Jay’s sensory input as well, to a certain degree. It was an exciting premise and something they would definitely have to try. 

And maybe it worked both ways? Maybe Jay would be able to access Tony’s emotional read of a person or situation.

That would be cool. 

Blair hadn’t talked about that, but then again, it was probably something that wasn’t shared until it could be experienced firsthand.

Tony thought about their bonding and how much their lives were about to change. Once they were recognized as the second Prime pair in the US, adjustments would have to be made. While it would theoretically be possible that he joined Jay at Intelligence, that solution probably wouldn’t work well. 

They outranked a lot of people in the police force and it would create all kinds of problems. Hank had shared his idea of keeping them on as contracted investigators. And it wasn’t as if they needed the money. Tony had enough money to never have to work a day in his life to begin with - money he had carefully kept away from Senior. And they would be paid for their services as Alpha Primes to the US, as well. 

They’d taken on a lot of responsibility but Tony was sure that getting to work with his Sentinel while also serving the Sentinel-Guide community as their Primes would be a very rewarding experience.

Both of them had been lonely for so long, but now they were forever bonded, and it was the best feeling in the world. 

With a little happy sigh and a smile on his face Tony settled deeper under the covers, enjoying the way Jay tightened his hold on him in his sleep. 

Tony had everything he needed right there in bed with him. 

The future had never looked brighter.


End file.
